離二戰殺G還有一個星期，要來的始終都會來，心情比第一次平靜，卻并不踏實。接下來的10月基本在家中度過，復習-考試-再復習-再考試。昨晚的回程，剛走上大學城北的手扶梯心里就有些許傷感，然后便回頭看看地鐵站外的夜色，曾多次走過的這段路，我將不可能永遠經過，就像從前爬過的7層舊樓，也不再是回家時理所當然的必經之樓梯。暫時離開一個月的感覺，讓我想象到畢業時真正離開的那刻嘴硬的我亦會說出“我不舍得”。我想起了《Twilight》里Bella在Edward家看到了很多Graduation Cap，因為Edward的一家都是immortal，他們只能年復一年地在輾轉到不同地方讀高中，所以Graduation Cap擺滿家里也不足為奇。雖然Bella知道后說“It's kinda miserable”，可是于我們的大多數，能夠一直讀書一直認識新朋友在現實社會中未嘗不是件好事，至少可以在單純的世界里做單純的事。

       最近看了很多劇，也就受了那么一點點沖擊，觸碰到我的敏感神經所以我又無邊無際地想些有的沒的，這是本巨蟹女的特點啊。說說《Desperate Housewives》，劇情讓我越發感覺不安，尤其之前在每晚睡前都看一兩集，讓我小小地失眠了一陣。Why do people learn something only from bad things, like lies or death, rather than good ones? 三季看下來不同人間積累的各種疑惑、恩怨、陰謀使這劇的基調十分十分dark，這是現實的某部分寫照嗎？然后沖著對vampire的興趣看《Vampire Diaries》，暫時最大的收獲是第三集的插曲《Never Say Never》，高潮部分“don't let me go”的重復最讓人感受到悲情。我對Damon很感冒，尤其是他與Katherine之間的糾結故事。俗話說，愛情的力量的確很偉大，催化了正邪間的轉變。不得不提，男一Stefan在劇里打橄欖球的情景讓我一瞬間著迷了，就像《Twilight》里Edward與家人在雷電交加的日子打棒球，力量的美感和男性獨有的魅力只有通過體育運動才散發出來，哈哈，我是體育男花癡？笑～還有《下一站，幸福》，簡單自然的段子讓人感覺很是貼近，所以我有被不太新穎的劇情感動到。   （待續）        

      10.19晚  從國慶假期到現在整整三分之二個月，從開始的頹廢到后來的拼命，這些復習的日子我都充實地過著，過得現在已經不想回學校面對無聊的作業了，orz. (待續)

      10.25凌晨 It is not the end but the beginning. 可以松口氣了么？I'm not quite sure about that. I still have a long long way to go. 今天從考試中心走出來感覺自己的腳步真的很沉重，心有千千結。有很多繁瑣但異常重要的事等著我，伴著些許焦慮和惶恐，第一次有got to deal with everything individually的壓力。最近常鼓勵自己：盡管對未知有多么的恐懼，亦不能坐以待斃，就算明知結果是死也不要坐著等死，因為奇跡也許就由站起來行動的那一刻起發生。顯得有點虛，不過it does work somehow.

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      放假首晚就與渣人群的主力們相約麻將，很遺憾的是這次還是沒見著JN。（好吧，都是因為我=。=） 確實，搬去PY讓我遠離了市區，讓我即使只在晚上九點半時位處流前都會開始擔心趕不及搭三號線和接駁線，也因為這樣，眾人為我改變了原本的計劃，于是乎我們八點多去陳家祠會合JN食晚飯的約定就被我弄砸了orz，再于是乎我就很自然地變成了九點多就踏上回家路的乖孩子和被emily鄙視了一下下的壞人。總的來說還是蠻開心的喇，邊打麻將邊互相調侃，實在太有趣喇！！對了，還見到了傳說中的渣人童鞋，赫赫赫赫，你是個很搞笑的人，也要感謝他打麻將時不時把我需要的牌扔出來，哇哈哈哈哈！

      二號八卦幫的一眾密友相約桌游，話說這是本人首次接觸桌游，除了UNO。沒想到桌游比麻將更好玩！人數沒有限制，而且價錢超值。大家在玩的過程實在太投入了，叫得很大聲笑得很猥瑣，激動得差點把桌也掀翻。還發現了其實我們都很強大，用左手畫蒙著眼畫一筆畫完，反正幾乎每次都看不出畫的是啥但都可以猜出來那到底是啥。最最無敵囧的是，其中一次阿嫻畫了一個斜塔（猜一個地名），當眾人都在七嘴八舌的說“意大利”“羅馬”的時候我情不自禁地說出了“巴黎”二字，“答對了”，在我沉醉在勝利的喜悅時大家都笑翻了，既然“巴黎”是答案，那畫出來的絕對不能是“斜塔”啊；而我看到是“斜塔”的時候猜的竟然不是“意大利”或者“羅馬”而是不沾邊的“巴黎”囧rz～好吧，我姑且稱這次無心之失為“當傻冒遇上傻冒”,囧。從下午一點多玩到七點多，幾乎exhasted，而后在pizza hut解決晚飯，期間大家多次挖掘八卦題材但都無功而返（因為最最焦點的事情都已經在暑假的時候被挖完了么=。=）然后討論的大方向居然是美劇！

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      喂，全部和我玩過沒和我玩過桌游或正在看這blog的童鞋，你和你和你和你，趕快和我一起玩！！！

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       p.s 1.月餅節我買不到紙燈籠但老爸買了個孔明燈回來（到現在還沒放=。=）

              2.月餅很難吃冰皮月餅更難吃！

      負罪感再濃重，也敵不過人性本質的黑暗支配。可悲。 

    (These fotos certainly don't cover all my frdz that I've seen n hung out wif.)

 8 sweeties^^

5 gorgeous ladies^^

little Lisa, Diane n Dan^^

Eric n Diane^^

       p.s 老fa，我今天可是特意穿著你送的短裙，muuuuuua~說實話我覺得我非常適合穿裙子啊哈哈哈哈！

   7.22    我用了老爸不知啥時候的X光片看到日偏食了！弱弱地紀念下~ p.s 今天你在新加坡，我們之間終於沒有時差了^^

         What helps me understand and deal with this is the fact that I was once in their shoes. I once played a supporting role on this team. Back then I knew how much pressure Shaquille had on him to win a ring and I also knew I could help. So I studied the game offensively and especially defensively because I knew that if I could harass on the perimeter with him clogging the lane, it would demoralize our opponents more than anything we could do offensively. I also knew that the teams he played on in the past did not have a closer. No one could take the game over down the stretch or hit the game winner or make the key free throws. Those were Shaq's weaknesses, so I had to step up and make them my strengths. I knew how much more I could bring to the battle, but that wasn't my role. I was a scorer who became a facilitator in order to win. But now I worry because I know how hard that was for me to learn, how many sleepless nights I had and how much criticism and trade rumors I had to endure before I mastered my role. This is probably what my current teammates are going through. All I can do is pray that one day we will reach the same level of chemistry and understanding that existed between me, Shaq, Rick Fox, Derek Fisher, Robert Horry and all the other players I once went to war with. 

         The fears I have are soothed a little by the presence of Phil Jackson. Simply put, he is the best coach I have ever played for. Everything I have learned about the game can be traced to him and Tex Winter. They teach the game at such a deeper level than X's and O's. The game is a rhythm, a dance. Phil and Tex have taught me to feel the game. To think the game without thinking, to see without seeing. They taught me how to prepare. How to conceptualize the spirit of my opponents and attack them where they are weak. I've seen how prepared PJ gets before games, and as the on-court leader he is trusting me to do the same. So I do all the things he has taught me to do before tip-off and once the ball is in the air my mind is at ease and my body is ready to play. I take it to the other team on both ends of the floor. I take pride in being able to do that. I HATE being scored on, even by players who some say are "un-guardable". I don't believe it when they say "Oh, that player is just hot today." F--- that! Cool his ass off then. 

         When we play on the road and the entire crowd is booing me it doesn't bother me at all. What I think about is simple: "When these fans leave this game I want them to remember how hard I fought and the passion and drive with which I played." I have always played this game with passion. And I always worked hard. When I saw the movie Rudy I remember thinking, "What if I worked that hard?" God has blessed me both physically and intellectually to play this game, so what would happen if I push as hard as the character in this film? I would love for people to think of me as a talented overachiever. Even though those fans may chant "Kobe sucks", when they leave that arena I want them to walk out with a different feeling than they came in with. When they leave they'll leave with the understanding that they have just witnessed a player give himself completely to his passion; they have just watched an athlete pour every ounce of his heart and soul out on that floor. And hopefully, when the next volume of my life is all said and done, they will respect and appreciate the years that I spent giving all of me to the game that means everything to me.

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         Recently I have come to visualize my place as a black athlete within our society. I've always been aware of our history, from Jackie Robinson to Sweetwater Clifton. But I never felt like I deserved to be a part of our tradition because I grew up overseas, in Italy. In that way I am very much different than many of my peers. I never truly believed that my own people wanted to identify with me. But that's the thing about adversity: while you're going through it, you look around yourself and see exactly who it is that's rallying behind you. During my time of struggle I saw the truth. My people held me down. Their love and support became an experience for me and that experience will be with me for the rest of my life. It gave me a completely different understanding of my role. I had been wrong about my impact. Now I see that I can be a force in the lives of our youth. They look up to me for guidance and support. They have shown me that even though I grew up in Italy, I am a part of black America. The color of my skin ain't paint! It is, in fact, more than a color: it's the signifier of my culture. 

         When I went to visit the victims of Hurricane Katrina and saw how their faces lit up when they saw me, how they embraced me, and how my presence lifted their spirits; I realized how wrong I'd been about everything. I've wasted all these years wanting to do things for our people but thinking I wasn't the one to do them, that I wouldn't be welcomed. But now I see that isn't true. The experience of Katrina and my own personal struggles brought me closer to our people. And through that closeness my motivation has become stronger and my purpose has become even clearer.

         Being called a role model has become code for being "able to sell product." But the true essence of a role model lies in influencing our youth to be better, not perfect, not to buy sodas or fast food or whatever; but to be better, no matter the odds or the circumstances. As an athlete I am someone who is in a perfect position to inspire our youth. They look at us as heroes not just because we win, but also because we fail. They witness us overcome obstacles right in front of their eyes. There's no editing, no CGI; everything about it is real. They watch us fall, get back up, fall, get back up, and fall again. In the course of a 48-minute game or an 82-game season they see us climb an entire mountain. It's my duty to help them understand that falling is a part of life and getting up is a way of life. The will to overcome is crucial. And because basketball is a metaphor of life this is a lesson I can give them as I struggle to accomplish my goals. As I help to rebuild my team on the court, I can do the same off of it, helping to rebuild and restore the lives of the people I see in trouble by inspiring them to do what the "experts" say can't be done.

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         I have been an outcast my entire life. From being the only black kid in my town in Italy all the way to when I was 17 and playing in the NBA. What separated me from others, even more consistently than skin color or age, was my hunger. My mission. I've always been made to feel like there was something wrong with wanting to win so badly and wanting to become the best at what you do. But I have found a place to fit in amongst people with a similar vision, specifically my family at Nike. My association with them means much more to me than just an endorsement deal. At Nike I am surrounded by people and athletes who share my will and my commitment to be number one at all costs. 

         Last summer I had the honor of being invited to the Nike campus in Beaverton, Oregon for a ceremony honoring the company's co-founder, Phil Knight. We athletes had to wait in the green room before the show began. I found myself sitting amongst athletes that I had never met before but whom I felt right at home with. 

         Let me explain:

         There are certain kinds of people that are purely driven. I can tell who they are simply by looking at them. I have faced so much criticism for my drive that at times it has alienated me from the majority: the people who are comfortable with second place, the people who hate against me because I am not. You know these kinds of people; they are the ones who fear winning, the jealous ones who envy and try to sabotage. They are the people who have been telling me I couldn't win all my life. Many times my drive to succeed has put me on an island all by myself because no one understood me, or they chose to misunderstand me. They chose to portray me as being something that I was not.

          So on that day, sitting in the Nike green room with those other athletes, I saw the purity of drive in their eyes and it reassured me that it was OK to be different than others. It's OK to want to be the best. It's OK to feel like a loser if you don't win it all, and it's OK to bounce back with a stronger will, a deeper sense of determination, and a desire to destroy your opposition.

          I have learned that it is OK for me to be me, and what being me entails. It means that I will not rest; I will not sleep, relax, relent or be satisfied until my goals have been met, the challenge answered and all my doubters silenced. I will not give in to my foes; I won't let down my teammates. I won't stop inspiring those who look up to me or stop giving motivation to those who motivate me. I will not back off until I'm back on top, back in the place where they said I could never be again. Mountains don't scare me. The LACK of mountains scares me. The climb up, the struggle for every inch of ground and every level of ascension is what feeds me. I welcome that challenge. I welcome that chance to be fed because no matter what — no matter how hard, how far, or how many stand in my way, I remain determined.

        Hunger defines me. I've always been hungry, but now my appetite has risen to a new level. My will is greater than ever. The motivation to succeed runs through me like blood. In this 10th year, my 10th season as an NBA player, the mountain I once climbed to reach the top looms in front of me again. I realize how hard it will be to climb it, how much I will have to sacrifice and overcome to get to the top again, how many people have told me I can't do it. But I savor that challenge. Feed off of it. That challenge helps give me purpose and inspiration. It helps me define life.

        At the beginning of this season there was a question floating around in my mind. What is my purpose? On one level I understood the reasons for why I do what I do, but on another level I felt an even greater commitment tugging at my soul. I'm a ballplayer, a teammate. A leader. But is that it? When I look back at my rookie season, I realize that all of the faces that once surrounded me are gone. I was a kid back then, eager to please, eager to find my place in a world that seemed familiar but different. The game was my refuge. I'd been going to it ever since I was six years old, in Italy, playing alone on courts thousands of miles away from kids who shared my same love. In a way, my dedication to basketball defined me. But that definition has grown. The struggles I've encountered over the last few years have made me realize just how much more there is for me to accomplish. I've begun a new phase of my life; I've opened new doors. And with new doors comes a whole new world of challenges.

         In my life I have won and accomplished much. I own three NBA championship rings. I've had plenty of endorsement deals and made a lot of money from them. But still, I feel as if I have yet to fulfill the blessing that God has given me in my ability to play this game. I feel as if there is so much more to do, on the court and off it. 

         I don't know if this is how I am supposed to feel. Did MJ, Magic and the others feel the same way? In our society it seems like athletes are expected to care about winning the game, pleasing the crowd, and signing deals. Period. But am I supposed to obsess myself with winning only to win, retire and wonder if all my sacrifices were worth it? Is it OK for me to sacrifice time away from my children, time watching them grow up, missing Easter, Christmas and other special moments, to win a ring? 

         What I have come to learn is that my desire to win, the will to pursue my goals with the highest level of intensity and passion, defines me. But I have been careful to keep my motivation pure. The distractions that come with winning, the idea of playing for the money or playing for the fame and prestige — I've watched all of these things consume other players. My thirst for domination is fed only by the game. I refuse to get distracted by outside forces.

          This is a new book in my career. Volume 1 has already been written. Everything that I accomplished before is behind me: not forgotten, but placed on the shelf. My past success only serves as a measuring stick for my peers. A whole new crop of players has emerged since I came into the League. All of them want the honor of holding the title of "best all-around player". But I feel as if that quest is behind me now and a new one has taken its place. I am an underdog. A challenge was issued to me by everyone who said I would never succeed again, that I would never win another ring or enjoy another parade. I accepted their challenge. I accepted the doubt of every one who spoke of my downfall and used their words as fuel. I have a franchise to resurrect, a city of fans to uplift.

          That mountain, the one that I climbed once and now face again, is huge. I'm looking up at it again. And because I know how hard it was to climb, I sometimes feel drained because I know how difficult it will be to conquer. It's much harder to go from top to bottom to the top again than it is to simply go from the bottom to the top. But desire is the ultimate fuel. Hunger changes any situation. My past experience gives me knowledge that backs up my will. I know what must be done. My team is sometimes unsure because my teammates have never climbed this mountain before.

          At times it's frustrating and it tries my patience, but in the beginning years of my career my teammates were patient with me and trusted in the fact that I would figure everything out, so now I must return that favor to this generation of Lakers. This is our challenge, our mountain, and these are my brothers. I must guide them to the point we all want to get to. No matter what.

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          I have been learning about the ambition inside me since I was a kid. It was there during the hours I would spend on a playground in Italy and a group of my friends would come to me and tell me I would never be an NBA player. It was there during all the time I would practice alone, imitating the moves I'd seen on television and creating new ones to go with them. It was there when nothing else was there, and I learned to incorporate it with the game, to wrap myself in the game and seek my future within it. Whenever someone would say what my Italian friends had said, whenever anyone told me what I couldn't do, I would grab hold of that feeling inside me and realize that it was there for a reason. I have always had a purpose, a need to succeed. People who try to discourage me only add fuel to a fire that has always burned. Every phase of my life has brought me new risks and new rewards; in many ways I have always been the underdog. And through it all, through every struggle, the game has always been there. It has never left me alone.

          I love the game. I really do. As a kid, when things were bad for me at school or at home, I would go to the park and envision the dream. You've probably had that same one: I'd be playing for the Lakers, winning championships and hitting the game winning shots. I'd listen to the crowd roar when I put the dagger in the other team's heart, and on the road I'd hear the silence of other teams' arenas. I've actually done these things in my career. But I had done them before, because in my mind and in my heart it felt so real to me. So when I was there I had been there before. 


          "I take it to the other team on both ends of the floor. I take pride in being able to do that. I HATE being scored on, even by players who some say are 'un-guardable.'" (Dime Magazine / Special to FOXSports.com) 

         What thrills me most about the game is the purity of it and the chance to master it. The process, the work, the beauty of it has always inspired me. I remember when I was 15 years old and wanted to be famous and be on TV. That desire didn't motivate me to play or overshadow the essence of the game, but like any kid I thought being a celebrity would be cool.

          As I've gotten older and actually become famous I realize that it's not what I thought it would be. But this is a good thing. Because it means that, in my heart, I never played the game for "spotlight" reasons. I played because I loved it. I played because it meant more to me than even I knew. When I needed someone to lean on, a place to vent, a place to celebrate or a place to cry, the game became all of these things for me. And because the game has given me so much I know that I must give it the respect it deserves. I must work hard to master it, to show it my appreciation for all it has done for me as a person, as a man. That's the reason I'm able to play under severe pressure or stress. The game has actually helped me cope with it. It has helped me win. Not in terms of the points scored, but in terms of the struggles that I have overcome. More and more I feel like this is the reason I train so hard, why I push myself past every limit. The more obstacles that are placed between me and my goals, the hungrier I become.

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          Desire is a double-edged sword. It gives you strength; it gives you motivation and focus. But occasionally, because your ambition is so great, you wonder what will happen if your goals are not fulfilled. My biggest fear is not winning another title. But fear is a great motivator. I'm determined to lead this organization back to the top. The people who once celebrated me are the same people who doubt me now. They say that because I don't have Shaq that I can't win, that it's over. The only thing I truly worry about is that my drive and my will are sometimes too much for my teammates to handle. Do I expect too much from them? How can I elevate them to play with my same passion every night?

      留意著前段時間的轉會事件，我的心情很糟，試圖在一些所謂志同道合的人里得到安慰，可惜他們都跟我唱著反調，呼～堅持自己所愛的人和事，從來就是件異常孤獨的事，不要指望有誰可以完全理解并與你共鳴，不過我喜歡這種孤獨，活在自己的世界里，如何夸張的臆想都只屬于我而不會被人指三道四，而我也不會向誰解釋什么，因為不了解的人怎樣也無法get the point。這陣子游走在不同的bbs，看到不同人不同事，然后慶幸，還有一群不理性卻十分感性的人一直堅持著，包括我。“錢能買到的只是他的人，而不一定是他的心”。精神支柱于我的力量是無與倫比的，心中的那團火很多時候就是被他們所燃起隨之把小宇宙也引爆。

      說說聚會的事情，放了6天的假，約會了5天，瘋婆子們依舊瘋癲，每次約會的對象都不同，但都是紅顏知己知心朋友和吹水一族。唱k飲早茶下午茶，聊聊近況訴訴苦，又或者相互調侃還會談談女人心事。無論單獨約會抑或一群人見面，場面及過程都讓我可以放心覺得我們之間沒有疏遠而且比以前放得更開，我們仍是都是純真善良的人兒，嘻嘻。只是現實依舊殘酷，她們之中的一些人經歷著十分戲劇性的事。我們的力量真的很渺小，什么也做不了就只能聽她們訴說。從未覺得這般風雨會出現在我們身邊，待到發現后，我們唯一能給予的便是笑聲，只可以帶點自欺欺人的方式讓她們從我們處獲得些許喘息的空間和真切的關心。只希望將來的我們都可以真正地幸福。

     盛夏。放假至今每天都有濃重的困乏感，搞乜鬼啊！之前定下的計畫希望可以順利實施（放假其實也不必轟轟烈烈地去這去那，低調D喇。）烈日當空，人乘著天氣開始變得浮躁了，嗜睡嘆空調食雪糕也不願靜靜地看完一本書，去TMD惰性！比賽已經開始，誰也不願輸，即使不是領軍人物也絕不做魚腩部隊。   

     據說，你21號就抵達馬尼拉，25號就到上海了，這麼近那麼遠，本來真有打算去上海見你，可惜家裡有事離不開，所以我就在YY，或許明年、後年，我就可以親自去屬於你的城市一睹你的風采。

待續

      寫paper寫至辭窮，無可奈何轉來這邊發洩幾句然後又要繼續趕工。

      It's such a mad world. ╮(╯_╰)╭   

罕有附上近照一張，別打我。

不好意思,撤走了╮(╯_╰)╭

      “有时候女人需要一个男人，就像逃机者需要降落伞，如果此时此刻他不在,那么以后他也不必在了。”

      “PS：当一个女人决定放弃对男人的依赖..哪怕是那一丁点的，就意味着这个女人也放弃爱这个男人了.....起码我是这样认为的 ...如果哪天，她悄悄地消失了，不要意外，因为在你的指引下她已经不需要你，变得很独立”

以下文字全部转载自他-Rufus Chen的新浪博。

我們這個時代，似乎學多少知識都不夠用，似乎永遠都在學習。

昨晚和GMAT的同學們一起讀了幾篇文章，涉及采礦，宇宙膨脹，資本市場，就業流向，經理人的直覺，還有美國廢奴運動。孩子們說，快瘋了。我說，閱讀技巧問題不大，問題大的地方是我們的知識儲備還要增強。

有時候其實就是一個背景問題，例如托馬斯潘恩的《常識》，這在當時的美國是銷量僅次於聖經的書，我國的歷史課本幾乎不做介紹；例如英文斜體印刷的規則，我們很多同學完全不知道（例如A Remembrance of the Past是書名； Malburry v.s. United States是法律上的判例），導致很多重要的信息無法卒讀。

這個恐怕還好，當這些同學碰到一些采礦類的文章就徹底瘋了，什麽叫alluvial gold(沖積金塊),什麽叫aerial image（航拍照片）；還有之前的諸如oligarsaccharides(寡糖素),雖說很多這種詞都不用完全認識，但是其實能知道還是不太一樣。

我推薦各位同學，以下的內容應該是一個準備出國讀研的認得常識性書單，最好還是要仔細看看：

元素周期表，

要知道元素的拉丁文名字，這裡可以學很多詞根，例如Ag=argentinum---Argentina

世界地圖，

我們要知道大部分國家的名字，河流，海洋，語言和概況，這個可以看www.cia.gov 美國中情局  網站有世界各國概況，最好也看看各個國家的文化基本狀況。

聖經：先看羅馬書，希伯來書，詩篇。

富蘭克林文集，獨立宣言

其他諸如地質，天文，相對論，天體物理，社會學，法律，哲學，歷史研究，也都要有些了解。

古人曰學富五車，今人要求不高，學富一塊藍光光碟已經了不起。